It’s exhausting at times
It’s hard at times
It’s lonely at times
Tells you it’s not worth getting back up
All hope is lost
Convinces you to not even try again
Renews your mind
Gives you the courage to stand strong even when you are tired
Reminds you that you are stronger than you appear
My life has been a roller coaster in the last ten years. There has been much heartache and hurt. I have been hopping to one church to another to only find more hurt and rejection. Since December I have been in three different churches to only have the same results. I started to question my faith, and what I believed. Last Sunday I was singing a song about God’s goodness, and I wondered if I believed the words that I was singing. I was so discouraged and tired that I wanted to quit church completely. I left in tears wondering if church was even for me. I told myself that, “I was a Christian, and I am supposed to be in church.”
In that moment, I realized I was going to church because that is what you do as a Christian. I was going out of duty and not out of passion for God. I decided to re-evaluate my heart and to see whether or not my faith was wavering. I found that yes I was tired to church, but my faith was strong in the Lord. I have just attend churches that was not allowing God to lead. I was seeking the wrong kind of churches. And, deep inside, I did not want to quit church, because I was defeated. I felt more alone than ever and church is about fellowship and God’s love.
Life was never meant to do alone. So…I looked searched online for churches in my area. I came across one that really drew me in, and I attended this Sunday. Not only do I have a Women’s Bible Study to attend on Wednesday, I have two coffee meetings in the next few weeks with some women I met at the church. I felt like I belonged and that I was welcome. No one pushed me to do anything I did not want to do. I felt home for the first time in a decade. My disappointment turned into hope. My loneliness turned into meeting other Christian women who understood my hurt. Yes, I am tired, but I am strong. The devil wants to keep kicking me to the ground in defeat, but the Lord wants me to stay strong in Him. As long as I keep my eyes focused on Jesus, I will have the strength to find hope again in church. Not because I am supposed to attend church every week, but because I want to attend church and worship God with other Christians. I want to attend church, because my heart longs for fellowship with other believers. My flesh may be weak, but Spiritually I am strong.
Life happens, but it does not mean you have to live in defeat. Get up, Dust yourself off, and Stand strong. Hope for what’s to come!