The “Real” you…
Do you allow yourself to be “you” in a crowd?
Do you let people see the “real” YOU?
Do you push friends and family away when they get too close to knowing the “real” you?
It is so easy to be behind a computer writing blogs and sharing from the heart. You do not have to see people’s reactions when they hear your story. For me, writing blogs is my comfort zone. I can be myself and be comfortable sharing my stories or thoughts with complete strangers. The struggle occurs when my friends and family knows my past. The “what-if’s” and the insecurities start nagging at me, and I pull away from people before I become uncomfortable. I lose friendships, because I choose to walk away.
I am Christian, and I have to honestly say, I do not like to attend Bible studies. Now, I do attend two Bible studies weekly, but I do it so I can get over my fears and insecurities. I love the God part of the studies and learning more of who He is and how He works in our lives. The only part I do not like is when the facilitator asks personal questions. I remain quiet in those times. I only answer a question when they are not personal. Sometimes I get called out to speak, and I get embarrassed because all eyes are on me. When I begin to answer the question, I have to step outside the boat trusting that God will comfort me even when I want to run away or disappear for a moment. In these moments, God is growing my faith and showing me that not everyone will be judgmental or stop being my friend because I shared a part of my past. God is helping me to trust others again and, right now, it is a real struggle.
Life a process. It is much like being on a potter’s wheel. God continues to mold us and reshape us as we trust Him more with our lives. My prayer for myself is that I can rebuild healthy relationships again and know that the true friends in my life will stay even though they know the “real” me. I pray that God will help me tear down the walls of insecurities and fears and show me how to be vulnerable again. To be the “real” me!